Fun Times in La Push
by snoopykid
Summary: Nessie finds a box of videos in Jake's attic and they decided to have movie day at the Cullen's house. What is the outcome? Drama, laughter, and total chaos.
1. Rants about Demons and Dora

Ok so I know what you all are thinking: Why is she writing another story when she did not finish her others? Here is the answer: I thought this idea was so amazing and funny that I have to write it.

This is a Bella/Edward story, Nessie will be in it and so will Jake, and above all else Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Summary: Takes place like a year after Breaking Dawn. Jacob and Nessie where hanging out and found a box of videos in Jake's attic that says' "Fun Times at La Push'. What are these videos about? Why is Bella suddenly wishing she burned them the first chance she had? What happens when the Cullen family watches them? Why am I asking you? Read and find out. T for mild swearing.

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Nessie POV-**

I was snuggling close to Jake as we were rummaging through a box in his attic. I had a photo album open in my hand smiling to myself as I saw Jake and my mom by a pair of motorbikes. I laughed to myself trying really hard to see my mom ride a motorbike.

"What's so funny squirt?" Jake asked looking up from another photo album.

"Just trying to see mom riding a motorbike is all. I cannot see her doing this." I said shaking my head to myself.

Jake's smile faltered a little as he looked at the picture, "That was taken after your dad left her. She decided to go into extreme sports to keep her mind off of him."

"Oh." I said as I turned the page. Mom and Dad told me a little bit of that story. I can tell that mom never truly got over dad leaving her.

When I was I closed the book and got up when I saw another box that caught my eye. It read 'Fun Times in La Push'. When I opened it I saw a bunch of videos, "Hey Jakey what are these?"

He looked over and came to where I was standing. I have never seen him light up in so much happiness that I felt myself match his smile, "Nessie how about we watch these at your house…I am sure your mom would love to see these."

"Ok." I said cheerfully.

**Jake POV-**

After finding the videos I was so happy! This was going to be great! When we pulled up to the Cullen's driveway Nessie ran inside and I followed holding the box. Did I mention that this was going to be great?

"What do you have there?" I saw Edward sitting on the couch with Nessie in his lap.

"Just a box of videos that I thought we can watch. Where's Bells?" I asked not seeing her.

"She's out with Alice." Rosalie said coming down stairs with Emmett right behind her.

We have gotten on better terms since Nessie and I started to hang out more with each other. I kind of also accepted them as family, since I will end up with Nessie somehow or another.

"In your dreams wolf boy." I heard Edward mumble.

Ok then how about since it was because for Nessie and Bella's sake that we kind of became close?

"That's more like it." He said to me nodding his head.

"Hey I'm home!" We turned to Bella and the pixie come through the door way

"Mommy!" Nessie jumped off Edward's lap and ran straight toward Bella.

"Hey baby!" Bella gave Nessie a hug, "How was your day with Jake?"

She held her hand to Bella's cheek, most likely showing her how her day was. Then Bella gasped and turned to me, "No! Please tell me that you did not bring that here!"

I smiled evilly showing her the box, "Yes and we have to watch them!"

Now all the Cullens were in the room watching Bella and I go back and forth.

"Jake I thought we agreed that we would record our fun, but we would never speak of it again." Bella sighed exasperated.

"Oh come on Bells. How do you expect us to record our stupidity and not watch it?" I fired back putting the box down.

"Because he does not know." She pointed to Edward and then Edward got up and went to the box.

"Ok what do I not know? And why are you blocking me?" Edward looked at me and I smiled evilly.

"Come on Bells. You said to me that you wanted to experience some minor human things. That the whole 'dare devil' side of you was showing." I pointed out, "That you wanted to record every minute of it so that you can cherish it forever."

The Cullens minus Edward was laughing. Alice was holding on to Jasper and Rosalie was holding on to Emmett. Edward and Bella were glaring at them.

"Bella a dare devil? Jake that is a good one!" Emmett said in between fits of laughter.

"I got to admit that is funny!" Rosalie pointed out

"I can to be a dare devil. In fact I was!" Bella yelled back

"Oh come on Bella! That is kind of hard to believe. Ok fine when Edward left you were an adrenaline junkie, but when he came back you mellowed out. There is no way you reverted back to that." Alice replied.

Bella let out a low snarl and Edward looked at her amazed, "What does he mean by 'minor human things' Bells?"

Bella drew her attention back to Edward, "Whatever normal teens did to have fun like going to wild parties."

Edward raised an eyebrow, "How wild Bella?"

Bella looked at me and I said, "At La Push we throw wild parties."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and growled at Emmett, "Please stop with the fantasy!"

"Oh man! I want to see this! Please Bells can we watch!" Emmett whined.

Bella was about to open her mouth when Nessie joined in, "Mommy…please." She stuck out her upper lip and made a cute pouty face that could rival Puss in Boots from Shrek.

Bella groaned, "Fine. We will watch the videos."

The Cullens cheered and I pounded my fist in the air, "Alright!"

**Bella POV-**

What the hell did I get myself into?

Jake pulled out the first video and read, "Episode one: Rants".

Oh good God, "Jake seriously?" I asked

"What is this one about?" Edward asked curiously holding me close.

"Uhm…first Nessie," she looked at me, "You know not to repeat everything you hear right?"

She nodded her head, "Yes mommy why?"

"Yea mommy why?" Emmett mocked her voice and Rose punched him in the arm, "OW!"

I cleared my throat, "Just watch."

Jake pressed play.

_Seth's face came on the camera and he announced, "Sup yall! Here is the first episode of Fun Times at La Push. Today we are having a party seeing as Bella was finally done with finals and we have not seen her in a while." _

"Jake? Why did we make Seth the camera guy again?" I asked

Jake was on the floor with Ness cuddling against him, "I don't remember to be honest…I think because he was the only one sane enough to know how to work it."

"Why was he sane and not you love?" Edward asked

"You'll see."

"_Ok so right now we managed to get half the pack plus Bella all drugged up on sugar and drunk off of Red Bull. Let's see how it's going."Seth turned the camera and there was the bon fire. _

_Love Game was blasting and now the camera was pointing at a big pole._

"HOLY SHIT! Bella who knew you could move like that!" Emmett yelled.

It was a good thing I could not blush. While yes I was drugged up on sugar and drunk off of Red Bull I remembered what I was doing with the pole…dancing on it.

Alice was laughed as she noticed what I was wearing on the tape, "So that was why you wanted help to look at clothes for clubbing."

_Then I started to dance with Jake. We were riding and grinding and the pack was going nuts! When the music ended we sat around the campfire._

"_Wow this was a great idea!" Jake slurred a little bit too hyped up from the Red Bull_

"_I know! Who knew school could be such a bitch!" I replied_

"_Hey I have an idea let's have a rant session!" Seth called out, "Bella how was finals?"_

_I jumped right into the game with it, "It was a bitch! Teachers look for ways to torture kids! It's like they are devil demonic creatures or something." Then I got thoughtful, "Hey if vampires are real and werewolves are real are demons real?"_

"Really Bella? Did you just ask that?" Jasper asked

I shrugged, "It was a valid question."

"In what way?" Edward asked astounded

"You never thought about it before?" I asked

There was silence.

"_I never thought about it." Jake responded_

"_Well they must be. I mean we are supernatural creatures in a way right?" Quil's voice came through_

"_So does that mean that witches are real too? And there is a way to get to Oz?" Paul asked_

"_I could go find some ruby slippers." I came out with._

"_And then what? How do we get there?" Embry asked_

"_We would have to wait for a tornado. That's what that chick did." Jake said thoughtfully._

"_Then how would we get home?" Seth asked_

"_Touché." I said_

Rose gawked at me and Jake and asked, "Did you guys seriously plan that out?"

We looked at one another and said at the same time, "Blame it on the Red Bull."

"_Ok so what would we do when we got to Oz?" Seth asked_

"_We would go exploring! Come on vomanos!" Paul cheered singing the Dora them song_

"_Oh good god! Demons are real!" I shouted pointing at Paul_

"_Why is Paul a demon?" Jake asked laughing_

"_It's not Paul! It's that Dora chick! I mean come on no five year-olds' parents let them go out with a monkey that can have a disease and go off to nowhere land not to mention having to deal with a stalking fox. That is bad parenting! She must have some sort of evil spell on them." I concluded._

"Wow. Way to ruin a preschool show." Jasper said

"I stand by what I said." I replied

"Mommy is Dora really evil?" Nessie asked looking at me.

I did not answer her

"_Bella come on. She is not that bad. Clair loves that show." Quil said._

_I gave him a look, "Dude really? How about when that Swiper gay fox thing trying to steal things from a five year old comes on and she puts up her hand and says three times Swiper no swipping. He stops and says oh man and runs off. What if Clair was faced with a mugger? What is she suppose to do 'Mugger no mugging'?" I asked in disbelief _

_Everyone was silent I took another sip of my Red Bull and chugged down a pixie stick when Jake took that away, "No more sugar for tonight."_

The video ended and Emmett asked, "So what happened to Dora?"

"Quil made her stop watching it saying it was a bad influence on her." Jake was laughing hard and we all joined in.

Nessie pulled out another video and read, "What we wanted to be when we grew up"

I sighed this was going to be a long day.


	2. Shooting Range and Barney

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Edward POV-**

Nessie pulled out another video and read, "What we wanted to be when we grew up"

I heard Bella sigh next to me. I rubbed her back. It did not matter that I just saw her high off of sugar and drunk off of Red Bull because I thought that this was rather fun to watch, but I did have a question, "Bella how did you go to La Push when I was around you a lot?"

If she could've blushed she would have because her response was, "Uhm…remember when I convinced you to go hunting with your family all those times?"

I thought and said, "Yes what are you…" I did not finish because I understood.

Nessie looked at me and asked, "Can I put the tape in?"

I looked at her then at Bella who nodded. Nessie popped the tape in and it started.

_Seth's face came on the screen again and said, "Ok so welcome to episode two of Fun Times in La Push. Last time the pack of drugged with sugar and drunk with Red Bull and we had an interesting conversation about demons and Dora. Today Bella and the rest of us are going to the shooting range." _

Bella's face lit up and she laughed, "Oh my god I remember this!"

"Shooting range love?" I questioned her with uncertainty

"Yes my dad use to take me there when I was younger when I stayed with him. He thought it was good for me to learn." Bella choked out.

_The camera showed Jake pulling out motorcycles and then the camera was handed over to him as Seth ran off. _

_Then Jake's face appeared, "Ok so Bella said she would never get back on one of these again, but just for shits and grins she changed her mind. Now here is the bad girl herself Bella!"_

_Bella appeared in what looked like a hot biker girl outfit and she climbed on a blue bike, "How did you get these back from Charlie?" _

"_I have my ways. Do you remember where to go?" Jake asked as Seth came back in a car that had Quil, Embry, and Paul in it. _

"_Yes siree I do. I'll lead." Bella said starting the bike up._

"_Oh no you don't I will." Jake yelled handed the camera to Quil._

"_Look out there is gonna be a race." Paul's smiling face came on the screen._

_Just then Bella and Jake took off and started to do tricks._

"Bella where the hell is your helmet?" I yelled causing her to flinch.

"Bella that is really dangerous." Alice sighed shaking her head at the TV.

_The camera changed to a shooting range._

"_You shoot like a girl...Jacky" Bella said _

"_Oh and like you can do better?" Jake fired back handing her the gun._

"_I can and will," just then Bella smirked, "What is the most precious thing you have on you?" _

"_My cell why?" Jake asked handing her the cell phone. _

_Bella smirked and went around the wall and placed it in the hostage spot. Then she pulled out a picture and taped it over the hostage's face. _

"Why am I a hostage?" I asked

"Cause I wanted to save you this time." Bella replied simply

"_This is what is going down. You and I shoot three rounds. The one who as better aim wins." Bella said holding out her hand and Jake shook it._

_They put their glasses and ear muffs on and shot the target three times. _

"_Damn it!" Jake swore seeing the sad state of the cell phone that was completely shot up. _

_Bella's picture remained unharmed, "I win!"_

_They stuck out their tongue at each other and then Paul said, "Let's get ice cream!"_

"_K!" _

"Wow who knew?" Emmett said stunned.

"You still owe me a new cell Bells." Jake said to her

"That was never part of the deal." Bella stuck out her tongue at him and they started a tongue war.

"_I can't believe that how you handled that gun. Did you want to be a cop when you grew up?" Seth asked Bella._

"_Actually no." Was her reply_

_Jake licked his ice cream and said as chocolate dribbled on his shirt, "You wanted to be an English teacher right?"_

_Bella shook her head, "No."_

_Now everyone was gawking at her and she said, "What?"_

_Quil shook his head, "What did you want to be? Barney says that that you can be whatever you want to be."_

I saw Bella shake her head, "We really need to get him away from Clair."

Jake shook his head too, "I know last week he was going on about the teletubbies and the symbolism of the baby in sun."

Bella got off my lap to my dismay and hugged Nessie, "Thank you honey."

"For what?" Nessie asked confused

"For being a smart baby."

"Ok."

"_Barney is a god damn lair!" Bella shouted and punched the table._

"_WHAT?" Quil yelped._

"_How is Barney a liar?" Jake asked_

"_Ok fine I'll tell you. When I was little wolves were my…uhm…favorite animal. So when I heard Barney say that you can be whatever you want to be I said I wanted to be a wolf. Mom said no. So then I said a witch so I could cast a spell to be human and wolf. Then when she said no to that I thought a vampire." Bella said_

"_Why?" The pack asked her._

"_Because I thought they were cool. And still are." She smiled and the boys pretended to throw up, "Anyway mom said no to all three and I started to whine like, 'but Barney said I can be whatever I want to be!' Then my mom was like he meant police officer or doctor. Then I had a tantrum."_

"_What exactly was the tantrum?" Jake asked._

"_Want me to act it out?" Bella asked them and they nodded._

_Bella cleared her throat and stood up then she flung herself to the floor on her hands and knees, "SO BARNEY IS A LIAR? HAS THE EASTER BUNNY AND SANTA ALL BE A LIE?" _

_She got up and bowed for the cheering pack_

When the video ended Jake and Bella where laughing.

"You have issues with kid shows don't you?" Jasper asked her

"Yes I do." Bella responded

"So what happened to Quil?" Alice asked Jake.

Jake scratched his head, "Uhm…Clair does not watch Barney anymore."

Rose stood up and stood in front of the TV, "So wait a minute. This girl does not watch Dora because she is supposedly a demon or Barney because he is a liar just because Bella has a bad experience with them?"

Bella and Jake looked at one another and Bella said, "First of all I stand by my opinion that Barney is a psychopathic liar and Second of all I never told Quil to tell Clair to stop watching the shows. Did I Jake?"

Jake nodded and said, "That is true."

Rose sighed and sat back down next to Emmett. I knelt down and pulled out another video and read, "Talks of Children and What's Wrong with Society."

Jake and Bella grinned, "Another rant session."


	3. Drama, Children, and Socitey rants

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Alice POV-**

Edward knelt down and pulled out another video and read, "Talks of Children and What's Wrong with Society."

Jake and Bella grinned, "Another rant session."

I should have probably kept an eye on Bella more often, but at least we can see what her true nature was when she was around the pack.

"Bella why did you hide some of these experiences from us?" I asked now feeling left out on my best friend's life.

Bella thought and said, "Well I did not do it intentionally. It was a spur the moment that these happened."

"Meaning?" I implied

"Rather I was being suffocated." She shot a look at Edward from her seat next to Jake and Nessie.

Edward raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean love?"

Bella sighed, "Hello? We had this discussion every time Jake called wanting to hang out with me," she cleared her voice and mimicked Edward's voice, "No Bella you cannot go hang out with the wolves because they are too dangerous."

"Oh come on! Since when did I ever tell you that?" Edward stood up.

Bella stood up and met his gaze, "Again Edward every single time Jake wanted to hang out with me! Besides you could not leave me alone for one weekend when you went hunting! I was always had to be babysat by your family! God Almighty!"

Edward sighed dramatically, "Here we go again! Are we seriously going to go through the reasons why I did that? I did it for your safety!"

I can see Bella was now fuming and Jasper whispered next to me, "She is really pissed."

"You think?" I whispered back. Her eyes where turning black and she heaved a frustrated sigh. Nessie looked between her mother and father and clung to Jake who held her close. Emmett and Rose were watching in amazement. I too was amazed because we never saw Bella get this mad at Edward. Sure there were minor spats but to actually start yelling at him was unheard of.

"This is why I did not tell you! This is why I insisted that you went hunting with your family because I wanted to let loose! I knew you would fly off the handle like this!" Bella shouted back and add a snarl at the end.

Edward growled back said, "Me flying off the handle? What about you? Did you have a death wish? They are wolves!" Bella through her hands up and turned away walking to the door, "Where are you going?"

"I need to go cool down. Feel free to watch the tapes I'm done for now."

Edward was about to take off to go follow her but Jasper held him back, "She needs to be alone."

I nodded my head as Edward sat down on the couch. Nessie got up to sit on his lap and asked, "Is mommy going to be ok?"

Edward shook his head, "Why did I have to say that?"

Jake picked the discarded tape off the ground and reread the title and said, "Uhm…the beginning of this is not exactly happy. Uhm…well do you want to watch?"

"Why is it not happy?" Emmett asked still not over the fight we witnessed.

"I guess you'll see. Sorry Edward." Jake said and put the tape in.

_Once again Seth's smiling face appeared, "Ok so Bella had asked Jake if she could invite Edward and the rest of the Cullens to the bon fire tonight. He had called Sam, who right now is in Hawaii with Emily, and asked him if that was ok and he said yes! So while we are not in La Push we are still going to surprise Edward when she asks him." _

_As the camera inched closer to Bella's house we heard mumbling and Jake's voice came on, "Quiet for a sec." Soon there was yelling being heard and the camera pointed to Bella's window. _

_Suddenly we heard Bella's voice, "God Edward why can't you just listen for once and let me finish the stupid question?"_

"_Because Bella I know what you are going to ask! And my answer is no! You are not going to La Push! What if something were to happen? Alice cannot see you when you are with them. That and we cannot cross the border!"_

"_So we are going to revert back to this again? How many times do I have to tell you that they are my friends and I do have a solution to that-"_

"_NO! They are a bunch of mangy slobbering dogs!" _

"I would never believe that you and Bella would fight if I didn't see this or the episode that just happened. You really know how to piss her off." Emmett said shaking his head

"Why did you film this?" Edward asked Jake.

"It was supposed to be a surprise thing but we kind of were too entranced with you guys fighting that we forgot that the camera was rolling until…"

_Stomping could be heard and the front door was burst open. Bella stomped to her car that Edward gave her as a pre-wedding gift, "Bella wait I just want to keep you safe." _

"_Oh like you did when you left and it was up to the 'mangy slobbering dogs' to keep me safe? Yea that was a really good job Cullen. Don't bother coming over tonight. The window is already locked and I may not even be home." Before Edward could get another word out the car was thrown into reverse and sped out of sight._

"_Fuck!" Edward cursed as he ran off _

"_Damn that was fucking amazing." Paul whistled. _

"_Seth turn the fucking camera off." Jake ordered_

"So that was why you did not see her all weekend. You had to be a control freak and try to run her life again." Rose said, "She really told you off."

"So what happened after that?" Nessie asked Jake.

"Well we didn't do anything that night accept let Bella rant about Edward and his psychotic over protective bull shit," Edward glared and Jake back tracked, "Her words not mine. So she stayed over and we had the bon fire the next night which it's coming on now."

_Seth's face came back, "Ok due to some minor difficulties last night we are having the epic bon fire tonight! So get ready for the real episode three of Fun Times in La Push! Another fun filled time of sugary drugs and radical Red Bull drunk fest!" _

_The camera turned and there were a group of boy all around Bella as she was chugging a big glass of Red Bull mixed with two big pixie sticks, "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!" When she was done they cheered, "WOOOOO! BELLS THE MAN!"_

"_That's woman!" Bella yelled and they laughed themselves over to the circle around the fire._

"_Who wants a marsh-mellow?" Jake called out and everyone raised their hands._

_After ranting about random stuff Quil sighed and said, "So Bells the wedding is coming up soon right?"_

_Bella thought and said, "Yea in about two months…if it's still on."_

_There was a gasp and Jake asked gently, "Why wouldn't there be a wedding?"_

"_Oh come on you heard what I said to him. That was a blow to the gut. I know he left for my safety and he thought that it was a good thing at the time, but after what I said to him he is not going to want me." Bella said _

"_Bells if he is going to let a little spat like that ruin a relationship then he is a douche and you deserve better!" Paul stated with a firm voice. Everyone stared at him, "What?"_

"_That was actually sincere of you Paul." Embry patted him on the back._

"_I try." Paul smiled._

"Paul is right she does deserve better." Edward grumbled.

Nessie hugged him, "It'll be ok daddy. It will be ok right?" She looked at me.

I sighed and closed my eyes but I could not see anything, "Sorry Ness but I don't see her. I think she is La Push though so don't worry she'll be back."

Ness nodded and sighed.

"_I will talk to him tomorrow I guess and see where we stand. I guess the pressure got to me is all. We shouldn't let this fight come between us. Besides we both know that we can't stand to be apart from one another for too long." Bella mulled over and sigh contently._

_There was silence and as Bella and Jake took a sip of their Red Bull Paul asked, "Have you and Edward thought about any kids?" _

_This caused Jake and Bella spit out their Red Bull all over the fire and caused it to erupt. After coughing she said, "Kids?"_

"_Yea it's normal to talk about kids before people get married. It's like the ultimate fate of the marriage." Paul stated_

"_He is right it is. Most marriages fail because one partner wants them while the other doesn't." Embry agreed_

_Quil nodded and also pointed out, "Or they both want kids but can't agree with the number. One wants only one while the other may want three or four." _

"_So have you?" Came Seth's voice from behind the camera. _

_Bella thought and said, "Yes we have talked about it a while back."_

"_Really? You talked about marriage when you first laid eyes on the dude?" Jake asked surprised._

"_No you moron! In fact I never dreamed of getting married much less having this conversation with you guys about kids." Bella said dumbfounded, "But yes we did discuss kids and Edward said that we couldn't have any because of being a vampire and all that jazz."_

"You guys thought that you couldn't have kids?" Nessie asked Edward.

"Yes. At the time it was unheard of. We didn't know about half vampires. So you were a little surprise for us." Edward explained.

"Am I good surprise daddy?" Nessie asked with puppy dog eyes.

Edward smiled but before he could speak a voice came, "Yes Nessie you were a very excellent good surprise."

"MOMMY!" Nessie got up and ran toward Bella. They hugged and Edward got up and said, "I'm sorry love. Forgive me?"

"You were already forgiven. Forgive me?" Bella smiled

"There is nothing to forgive." They kissed and we all sighed until…

"Why are you wet love?" Edward asked

"Uhm…I was still steamed up after some trees were destroyed which by the way Jake I owe you a tree house so I decided on a swim to cool off."

"You jumped didn't you?" Jake asked

"Yes. It was more fun the second time."

"What am I going to do with you?" Edward sighed

"You know you love me!" Bella sang.

"_Ok so you guys can't have kids. Have you personally thought about if you wanted any?" Jake asked._

_Bella was silent then said, "Honestly I don't know if I want kids. Think about all the problems with the world: war, crime, school shootings. How can people bring kids into such a place?"_

"_I know what you mean, but look at 19 kids and counting that woman is insane!" Paul shuttered _

"_Why would you want 19 kids? I thought John and Kate were bad. They have eight." Jake said_

"_John is not in the picture anymore. It's just Kate. I never really liked her. She has a bad attitude and have you seen her hair?" Bella asked._

_The boys shuttered and Quil said, "I think Alice should visit her to give her a makeover."_

_They laughed and Bella sighed, "But seriously I do not want any kids brought into this world. I sometimes worry about Charlie when he is out. Besides I am not exactly mother material."_

_They boys grumbled and Embry said in a mock tone of Gary Colman from 'Different Strokes', "Whatcha talkin about Bella?"_

"_Come on! I am the most clumsy, incompetent, danger magnet around! What if I hurt the baby? What if the baby does not like me because I am plain and dull? What if something bad happens and I cannot stop it?" _

"_So you are more insecure than anything else?" Quil asked_

"_Duh factor!" Bella yelled throwing her empty Red Bull can at him. _

_Jake sighed and got up, "Bells you are anything but plain and dull. As for the other stuff it is only natural."_

"_I know Jake, but with me since when has anything been natural?" Bella asked also getting up walking to her car with Jake beside her._

"_True Bells." _

_Bella sighed and said, "Maybe that is the only thing I will regret when I'm a vamp."_

"_What?" Seth asked_

"_Not giving Edward a child." Closing the door and turning the car on she pulled away._

When the video ended we all looked at her and Nessie asked, "Why did you think you wouldn't be a good mommy?"

"Because I was extremely clumsy and a danger magnet, so I was afraid to have kids." Bella said.

"Well we know that is true but you turned out ok. And know what else is true?" I asked

"What?" Everyone asked

"I really should give Kate a makeover." I answered, "That hair needs help big time."

We all laughed and Jasper flipped through the box and pulled out another video, "Dare Devils at Work."

Bella turned to look at Jake, "This isn't from-"

"Yes it is."

"Great…"


	4. Puppies, Waterfall, and Shock?

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Rose POV-**

Jasper flipped through the box and pulled out another video, "Dare Devils at Work."

Bella turned to look at Jake, "This isn't from-"

"Yes it is."

"Great…"

Ok so there was more to this girl than meets the eye. Not only did she have the balls to stick up to Edward, but to go behind his back and hang out with the pack was another. I would never think that human Isabella Swan could even be this wild. We know what pushed her over the edge having seen the spat between her and Edward, but wow.

"Hey Bella?" I called over to her from my seat by Emmett.

"Yes Rose?"

"Uhm what exactly is so great about this video?"

Bella thought and took a wary glance at Edward and then back at Jake. Thinking once more she said, "Remember that cliff diving episode?"

I thought back with guilt. How could we forget? I nearly caused the death of my brother and my sister because of a stupid phone call, "Yes."

"Well picture that and now add ten times the extreme." Bella said rather vaguely

I don't think any of us wanted to. Edward gave me a glance that said that he agreed with him, but Jasper put the tape in.

"_Seth come on let me do the intro!" Bella's voice came through._

"_No! I always do it. It's my job." Seth said._

"_Please…pretty please." Bella begged._

_There was a groan and Jake's voice came on, "Let her do it just this once." _

"_Fine but I still hold the camera." Seth said and now we saw Bella's face and she squealed with delight. _

"_Hello and welcome to episode four of Fun Times in La Push! Seth, who is our handsome camera guy has let me do the intro! Yay me!" Bella clapped her hands like London Tipton from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, "Anyway on today's episode we are having a nice relaxing picnic on La Push's great waterfall! Seth show that view that is down below!" _

_Seth pointed the camera downward._

"I did not know we had a waterfall near here." Edward said amazed.

"Of course you didn't it's on our turf." Jake said

"What did Billy say? It was like an 80 foot drop right?" Bella asked with her golden eyes filled with excitement.

"Yeppers!" Jake said

"Why do I not like where this tape is headed?" Alice asked perplexed

"You are not the only one Ali." Jasper said.

"_Ok let's eat I'm starved!" Paul's voice was heard_

"_Ok who wanted egg salad, the Assault Monster, and the blue large pixie sticks?" Jake asked _

"_That's me!" Bella said taking her stuff._

"_How come you did not want anymore Red Bull?" Quil asked_

"_I was getting bored of Red Bull." Bella said eating her lunch._

_They sat and ate until Seth said, "You know this would be a good place to bring your dog." _

"_What?" Everyone asked him._

"_Think about. This place is relaxing so when you're stressed just take your dog for a walk to come here." Seth explained_

_Bella took a sip of her Monster, "I always wanted a puppy, but mommy and daddy wouldn't let me." _

"_Why?" Jake asked_

"_They said that I could not keep a goldfish alive for more than three days." Bella said simply, "But I was five and fish are boring. A puppy is much more…exciting." She turned to stare at Jake._

"_Bella why are you staring at me?" Jake asked_

_Bella was jumping up and down like a little kid at Christmas, "You could be my puppy! This would totally work!" _

_The boys minus Jake burst out laughing when Jake said, "No. I will not be your pet puppy. Besides it wouldn't work."_

"_How do you mean?" Bella asked_

"_Uhm hello vampire boyfriend ring any bells? Mind reading?" _

"_Just think of puppy stuff." Bella said like it was obvious_

"_Like what?" Paul asked_

"_I don't know walks, sleeping, eating, and cookies. I'll show you. Jake go phase." Bella said._

_Jake got up and with a bang he came back in his wolf form, "Ok watch." Bella got up and pulled a bag out of her bag. Cookies shaped like bones? _

_The russet wolf was jumping happily, "Ok Jakey sit." Jake sat, "Roll over," he rolled over, "Paw?" Bella shook Jake's paw, "Play dead," Jake made a choking sound and fell to the ground with a huff, "Good boy!" Bella tossed him the cookie. He barked happily and ran back into the woods._

_When he came back he asked, "Can I have more of those?" _

_Bella burst out laughing and handed him the bag._

_Seth leaned into the camera and asked in a whisper, "What's so funny?" _

_The rest of the boys minus Jake who was munching on the cookies leaned in to hear, "Those are not human cookies." _

"It hurts…it hurts." Bella was gasping unneeded breathes as she was rolling on the floor.

"Wait what? You actually fed me dog biscuits?" Jake rounded on her

"Good one Bells!" Emmett cheered as she and him high fived one another.

"_Wait a minute." The camera turned back to Jake and the rest of them held their breath as he analyzed the cookie, "What about my scent?"_

_Bella was biting her lip to prevent herself from laughing, "Well Edward says that you smell like wet dog right? I'll just tell him that I gave you a bath." _

_Jake mulled it over and said, "Yea I guess that would work. Now my size…I am not actually a normal dog. Neither of us are."_

_Quil raised his hand, "I know! You know that show Clifford the Big Red Dog? Well you know how Emily Elizabeth's love for Clifford made him grow so big that they had to leave the city? Well we can say that Bella's love for Jake made him grow big!" _

_They talked about random stuff then here came the great idea from Bella, "Hey let's play dare or double dare!"_

"_Ok, how do we play?" Paul asked_

"_Well if you pick dare then you have to do it, but if that person does not want to do it they can turn the dare around by double daring anyone to do that dare. So Jake if I dared you to eat that stick you could say that you double dare Paul to do it. He would have no choice but to do it. Sound good?" Bella explained_

"_Yea sure ok. Who wants to go first?" Seth asked_

"_I will! Uhm…Paul I dare you to dive off the water fall." Jake exclaimed_

"_I double dare Bella!" Paul said then covered his mouth as the boys let out gasps._

"_Ok it's a good thing I brought my suit." Bella said simply. She took her shirt and shorts off and stepped to the edge._

Edward had his mouth open and looked at his wife, "Seriously? Just because you got dared you have to do it?"

"That was the rules." Bella said shrugging her shoulders like it was no big deal.

"So if I dared you to jump off a bridge you would do it?" Edward asked her again

"For you I would do anything." Bella said

Nessie sighed in admiration and they say I am blonde.

"_Wait Bella don't do it! It's like an 80 foot drop!" Jake said grabbing her arm trying to pull her back_

"_What's the big deal? I jumped from higher cliffs than this. Besides Victoria is dead and if Pocahontas was able to dive off a cliff then why can't I?" Bella asked_

_Jake slapped his head, "Ok fist of all that was a Disney Movie, second of all you do not know how deep the water is down there." _

"_I'll be fine I promise." Bella said_

"_I am so not letting you jump off this water fall Isabella Swan!" Jake scolded, "And I am never letting you have Monster mixed with Pixie Sticks ever again!" _

_Bella rolled her eyes, "Fun sucker." As they walked back she had a glint in her eye._

"_Oh no." Seth said holding the camera so steady on Bella that she was backing toward the cliff of the waterfall every second._

"_What's wrong?" Paul asked._

"_You know what Jake?" Bella asked slyly _

"_What?" Jake huffed sitting back down looking up at Bella_

"_Just because you are a fun sucker does not mean you're the boss of me." She turned and ran at full speed, "So long copper!" _

"_Bella no!" Jake yelled as she flung herself off the cliff eagle style and dove into the raging water below._

"_Shit shit shit fuck! Fuck my life! What the fuck are we going to tell Edward?" Jake asked in a panic_

"_How the fuck are we going to do that? Sorry Edward but we kind of let your fiancée jump off an 80 foot waterfall? Yea that's going to fly very well." Quil said sarcastically._

"_Screw Edward what about Charlie?" Embry asked _

"_DAMN IT PAUL! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Jake jumped Paul and started to beat him up when…_

"_That was a totally awesome adrenalin rush! You guys gotta try this! I'm going to do it again! WOOOHOO! EXTREME!" Bella cheered and the boys passed out, "What did I miss?" Bella asked_

The tape ended and we just stared at Bella like she had five heads, "That was awesome! I never felt so alive!"

"You really had a death wish didn't you?" I asked

"The wind in my hair and the adrenalin coursing through my veins was epic. I felt like I was flying." Bella sighed

"You gave us a heart attack Bella!" Jake said

"You ended up trying it once I woke you guys up and you loved it!" Bella challenged

"True that."

"Mommy what's wrong with daddy?" Nessie asked.

We all turned to Edward who had his mouth open and was as still as a statue.

"Edward honey?" Bella asked waving a hand in front of his face but he was unresponsive.

"I think he went into shock Bella." Alice said

"Can vampires even go into shock?" Emmett asked

"I don't know do I look like a doctor?" Alice asked, "But since he is not responding I'd say yes we can."

Bella sigh and said, "I'll call Carlisle." Pulling out her phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?" Came Carlisle's voice

"Can you come home? We think that Edward may have gone into shock." Bella said

"Vampires can't go into shock." Carlisle said

I took the phone from Bella and said, "Carlisle please come home. We really need you to take a look at Edward."


	5. Waking up Edward

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Carlisle POV-**

Esme and I walked through the door and headed to the living room where we found everyone poking Edward.

"Edward?" Bella pleaded still poking him, "Love? I'm sorry please come back."

"You know poking him is not going to help." I said coming into the room.

"Well then do something." Alice said also poking him.

I went over and examined my son. Turns out that he was in shock, "What did you guys do to make him go into shock?"

They all looked at each other and Bella said, "We were watching videos of Jake and I acting like wild and crazy and he kind of saw me jumping off an 80 foot waterfall."

Esme and I looked at one another and she asked, "Bella honey why did you jump off the waterfall?"

"I was dared to."

I sighed. I did not want to know. Now how to get my son back to normal?

"We tried everything! I thought obscene thoughts about Bella, I thought about Rose and my sex life, and we have been poking him for the past hour!" Emmett cried out.

I began to poke him myself and then Nessie exclaimed, "I know! Jake give me your shirt!"

"Why?" He asked not doing it.

"Just do it!" Jake took off his shirt and handed it to her then she threw it over Edward's head.

"Why did you do that?" Rose asked her

"Well Daddy and Jake always are arguing how bad one another smells so-"

I interrupted her, "So you decided to suffocate him in wet-dog smell?"

"Yeppers!"

Bella sighed and knelt down next to her daughter, "Honey we kind of got use to Jake's smell a while ago."

"So it doesn't bother you now?"

"No honey. It has become more of a playful banter."

"Damn it." Nessie muttered

"What was that young lady?" Bella scolded

"Nothing mom, I said darn it." Nessie responded quickly.

We were all quiet for a few moments when I said, "The only cause I can think is trying to reset him somehow."

"Reset? Like a computer?" Alice asked dumbfounded

"Well yes so to speak. His mind seem to overload on thoughts and Bella's little stunt seemed to overload him." I explained

"How do we do that?" Jasper asked

"I have no clue. I am not a mind reader nor have I ever experienced this." I responded.

"Well I think I know someone that can help us." Bella stated taking her phone out.

"Who are you-" Bella held up her hand to shut Emmett up.

"Bells?" we heard a voice answer.

"Hey Jane what's up?" We all gawked at her. Jane and Bella what?

"You know same old story in the same old town. How about you?" Jane asked back

"Not too bad uhm is Aro there we gots a little situation and need his help." Bella said.

"Sure hold on." Bella sighed and went over to Edward and stroked his hair. That was when we heard another voice, "Bella what a pleasant surprise. Love your profile picture by the way."

Bella smiled and we gawked at her, "Thanks love your too. How was your picnic?"

"It was fantastic. Shame your family could not make it." Aro sighed

"Sorry about that we had a camping trip planned out with the Denali Coven." Bella commented back rolling her eyes

"Oh, well maybe next time then. So what can I do for you?" Aro asked

"Well it seems that Edward kind of went into shock and Carlisle said that we need to reset him somehow."

"And you wanted to know how to do that?" Aro asked rather bored

"Yes sir you being kind of like Edward with the mind power stuff in all have any ideas?" Bella asked

There was silence and he said, "Well you could try the old fashion way with a bucket and water if you catch my drift."

"Oh ok cool why didn't we think of that? Thanks Aro!"

"Anytime Bells. Cyea!"

Hanging up the phone Alice asked, "Why were you talking with Aro and Jane like you guys are friends?"

"Well we are kind of Facebook friends…" Bella said slowly

"Damn everyone as a Facebook these days." Jake whistled

"Why are you friends with the Volturi?" Rose asked

"I don't know they are not too bad. Anyway I need a bucket of ice cold water and a black permanent marker." Bella said

We ran and got her what we needed. When I handed her the marker I asked, "What's this for?"

Bella smiled evilly, "I've seen this on TV and I always wanted to do this." She drew glasses and a mustache around his face, "Ok you cannot think about this when he wakes up ok?"

We stifled a giggle, but nodded. Taking the bucket of water Esme yelled, "Wait! Take him outside please."

"Oh right sure. Emmett grab him." Emmett took Edward outside and placed him on the lawn.

Bella sighed and she dumped the bucket all over Edward, who snapped awake, "WHAT THE HELL?"

"EDWARD!" We all tackled him on the lawn and laughed.

"All I remember was seeing you jump and I got scared and I guess I blanked out." Edward explained

"Well I'm fine and you're fine. We are all fine." Bella said smiling.

Edward nodded but then asked, "Why are all of you blocking your thoughts and why to I tingle all over like I was being poked at very hard?"

We all smirked, "No reason."

"Ok then…can we watch more then?" Edward asked

"Only if you promise not to freak out again." Bella said

Edward nodded. Going back inside Jake grabbed popcorn and sat back down next to Nessie and Edward rubbed his face with frustration, "Jake can you please stop thinking of marriage?"

Then he looked at his face, "Why do I have marker all over my hands?"

Bella laughed and showed him a mirror, "Love why did you do that?"

"Spur the moment." Edward groaned and I handed him a towel.

"So what are we watching now?" Alice asked

Jake leaned over and pulled out, "Skydiving and Tats."

"Skydiving?" Edward gulped

"Uhm…yea…I got nothing." Bella said

"Tats? Tattoos?" I asked her

Bella did not say anything.


	6. Tape mix up and War?

Ok so I just was to say thank you all so much for the reviews! I have been getting some requests to do videos of Jake and Bella from their younger days so this came to mind: How will Bella react when the most epic adventure of her life was 'accidentally' taped over by Jake and Charlie? So yea…tell me if you like it or hate it. If the majority of you hate it then I will be more than happy to redo this chapter. Well on with the story!

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Nessie POV-**

Jake leaned over and pulled out, "Skydiving and Tats."

"Skydiving?" Daddy gulped

"Uhm…yea…I got nothing." Mommy said

"Tats? Tattoos?" Grandpa Carlisle asked her

Mommy did not say anything.

So I guess now I can see Mommy riding the motorcycles now. She really gave Daddy a heart attack.

"Bella please tell me that this skydiving thing is like virtual reality." Daddy begged.

Mommy scoffed and said, "Well I could lie to you and say yes but that honey would be teaching our daughter that it is ok to lie. So instead I will say no and that it was actually really fun and exciting! Jake wet his pants and was talking like a tortured chipmunk!"

I laughed and looked at him. His face was flushed and he said, "It was the condensation in the air Bells that made my pants wet."

"Right and that guy in the tattoo parlor was not really the brother of Jeff in Phoenix where I got my first tattoo." Mom said sarcastically.

"Crazy, psycho, sister say what?" Emmett asked

"You have two?" Jasper asked

Mommy nodded happily and lifted her shirt. On her upper right shoulder it was a fairy sitting on the moon (see pic on profile) and on her lower back was a lion and a lamb in a heart with the words 'the lion fell in love with the lamb'.

"What does that mean?" Rose asked. I wanted to know too.

Mom put her shirt down and said, "Edward and I said that after we confessed our love to each other. He was a sick masochistic lion and-"

"You were a stupid lamb." Daddy finished

They kissed and Grandma Esme, Alice, Rose, and I awed. It was so romantic.

Then Alice and Rose rounded on Emmett and Jasper, "Why don't you ever do anything romantic like that for us?"

They did not answer. So Jake instead said, "Well sadly we do not have a shot of Bells getting a tattoo because the guy would not let us video tape inside the shop."

"Yea he was mean. Jeff was nicer. He let me, Stacy, and Nicole film." Mom said.

"Yea about that…does Renee know?" Carlisle asked

"No and it is going to stay that way. I did that because it was a dare. And no, Charlie also does not know either." Mom finished off.

"How come I have never seen them before?" Alice asked thinking about the game her and mom play when she has to fight mom to get dressed up.

"It's called cover up or sometimes I had a Band-Aid over them." Mom replied.

"Ok so the guy in the parlor would not let you tape but the skydiving guy would?" Emmett asked

"Yes that is about the size of it." Jake replied. He put the tape in.

_The tape was black but then a little girl came on screaming, "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!"_

"_What is it Bella dear?" a woman's voice answered the hyper child who had what appeared to be chocolate all over her clothes._

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Mom yelled in anger, "I THOUGHT I DESTROYED ANY TRACE EVIDENCE OF THIS TAPE!"

Jake's face went white, "Uhm I think what you destroyed was the actual skydiving tape…I forgot that I switched the labels."

Before mom could open her mouth Dad pulled mom back and said, "I actually want to see this."

Mom let out a snarl.

"_I know how the continents was formed mom!" the hyper active child said happily_

"_Ok honey how was the continents formed?" the woman asked trying to humor the child._

"_Ok so there was this squirrel with a nut see. And he was placing this nut in his hide out with a whole bunch of nuts see. And then this nut kept popping out because of these other nuts right; so then he jumps on it and then BAM!" mom fly her hands in the air for effect, "They start to go down the tree like the water go down the whole in the potty. So now he is chasing these nut things down a hill but behind him is a tidal wave of nuts so it's kind of like 'Calla Bunga dude! Surfs up!' but this squirrel dude is like 'AHHH!' Anyway now they are free falling in the air and there is so many nuts." Mom got a dreamy look on her face and was actually dancing and twirling._

"Wow the way you talk is like you're on crack Bells." Emmett commented.

"Yea well more like doped up on chocolate." Mom growled

"Bells you're not mad are you?" Jake asked giving his puppy dog look. Mom shot him a death glare.

"_Ok so then what happened?" Renee chuckled trying to keep the camera steady_

"_Well then the squirrel guy is like making a really big nut in the sky but it starts to turn on him so he is trying to stay up but then face plants into the ground. And this one lone nut falls at a break neck speed causing a crevice that breaks apart the land. And that is how the continents were formed!" Mom said happily._

"_Honey how much candy did you have when you were at the movies?" _

_Mom got a huge grin on her face and said very proudly, "Lots mommy. Lots and lots of sugar._

When the movie ended we were all laughing hysterically. That is everyone except mom who wanted to kill Jake.

"Wow Jake where did you get that movie anyway?" Jasper asked

"Charlie gave it to me as blackmail." Jake explained

"Why?" I asked

"Well it was kind of revenge. You see we all have dirt on one another so it was used as back up. That was my trump card and…" he stopped when he saw a glint in mom's eyes, "Oh crap."

Everyone looked at mom as she left the room. She came back like five seconds later with a tape in her hands. She smiled evilly, "Well then Jakey if it is war you want then war you will get."

"Have we been forgotten or something?" Rose asked suddenly realizing the connection between memory lane and now.

"I don't know but I kind of wish we can eat popcorn cause this is getting good," Emmett said.

"For once I agree." Daddy replied.


	7. Barbie Girl, Yo Momma, and Dying

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Edward's POV-**

Ok so I completely agree with Rose…apparently Jacob and Bella are too caught up in memories to even think about us. Am I all little jealous?

"Yes dude you are. Jealously is rolling off of you like no tomorrow." Jasper said looking at me.

But I got to admit though that this is kind of fun. I can't wait to see what Bella has in store for Jake.

"You Jakey it is not safe to play with fire because you will get burned." Bella said sadistically eyeing him like he was her prey.

"You can't scare me Bella." Jacob said confidently. _OMG she is scaring the shit out of me!_

I laughed at Jake's thought, "He is really scared by Bella." I said

Everyone else though did seem scared. Bella walked over to the tape player and played it.

_Bella came on the screen. She looked about to be ten years old, "Ok so I just got back to Forks yesterday. So right now I am here in La Push to visit my best friend Jacob Black! Boy is he in for a surprise."_

"_Yes he will. You know he has a crush on you right?" A girl's voice asked _

"_No he doesn't Rachel." Bella said scoffing_

"_You keep saying that Bella." _

_Just then music was heard coming out of what appeared to be Jake's room. Bella motioned to be quiet and they snuck under the window to see Jake playing what looked to be like Barbie dolls and singing, "__I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world! Life in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere! Imagination, life is your creation!"_

We all burst out laughing! Jake was turning funny shades of reds and purples, and throwing off strings of profanity in his mind, "BELLA HOW COULD YOU?"

"Karma is a bitch Jake!" Bella laughed

_Jake was jumping on his bed singing the music and doing dance moves: _

_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky_

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa  


"_**Wow Rachel this is great!" Bella's voice came on.**_

"_**Wait! Here hold the camera I'll be right back." The camera changed over and Rachel ran off.**_

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
_

"_**Here you got to see this!" Rachel came back with a group of other boys.**_

"_**OMG is that really Jakey?" **_

"_**Shut up Paul! You'll ruin it!" Bella scolded silently**_

_**Just then Jake took his shirt off and swung it around singing the next verse while another boy let out a low whistle, "Swing those hips!"**_

"_**Shut up Embry!" Rachel, Bella, and Paul scolded**_

_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh_

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

_Once the song was done the group quietly ran back away from the house and burst out laughing and rolling on the ground.  
_We were now rolling on the floor laughing. Emmett was right, I wish we were able to eat pop corn this stuff was priceless!

Jake was now really pissed, "Ok so you wanna play rough huh? We'll play rough little girl!"

"Awww did I hurt the puppies feelings? I'm sorry…" Bella mocked baby talk

"Stupid bloodsucker!" We gasped in shock but Bella looked pissed

"Stupid dog!"

"Stupid leech!"

"Mongral!"

"Dracula wannabe!"

"Ok that is it! It's on like Donkey Kong!" Bella stood up followed by Jake. They were in each other's faces.

"Oh no you didn't! Donkey Kong is mine! And I say when and where he is on! And you know what else is on? Yo momma!" Jake said gangster style

"Oh no he didn't!" Alice exclaimed

"Oh yea he did." Emmett replied back

"Shouldn't we stop them before they hurt themselves or my furniture?" Esme asked

"No way!" Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rose, Nessie, Carlisle, and I exclaimed

"Oh so little puppy-woof-woof wanna play like that huh? Well Yo Momma is so ugly she made an ugly cry!" Bella yelled back

"Oh yea well yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!"

"Oh yea well yo momma so fat that I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas!"

They started to growl and finally Jake said, "You are a worthy opponent Isabella. But no holding back. You are going to die!"

Bella scoffed, "I will not be the one dying is it you who will die."

Jake eyed her and said, "The force is strong in you but not strong enough."

"I have faith in my arsenal." Bella replied

There was a heavy silence in the room and I could swear I saw a dust ball go in between my wife and Jake. They looked at the clock and the time was 11:55.

"Meet me back here at high noon…only then we will see who will die." Jake said smiling evilly.

"I will make you one better; I will be back in a minute." Bella said.

They ran out of the room.

"This just keeps getting better huh?" Emmett asked

Nesssie clung to me, "Daddy is mommy and Jake really going to die?"

I smiled, "No honey no one is really going to die."

"But they will want to after the embarrassment." Alice laughed almost knowingly.


	8. Declaration, Frogs, and Bad Singing

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Alice's POV-**

"This just keeps getting better huh?" Emmett asked

Nesssie clung to Edward, "Daddy is mommy and Jake really going to die?"

He smiled, "No honey no one is really going to die."

"But they will want to after the embarrassment." I laughed almost knowingly. Just because I cannot see into the future I just have a feeling that this was going to have a happy/funny ending.

After a few minutes Bella burst through the door with a box in her hand and Jake burst in a minute after her.

"Ha! Told you that I would be back before you. So stick it!" she gloated. Wow who knew that she could gloat?

"Enjoy the victory while it lasts because in the end I will be the one laughing." Jake sneered.

Bella's smile faded into a glare. Taking out a piece of paper she handed it to Jake and said, "This is the Declaration of War. It states that once the videos are in play we cannot stop them until they are over. And it gives the viewers a chance to decide who has been embarrassed the most. The one who breaks said rule will have to be the servant. Do you agree?"

Jake read it and nodded, "Fine by me." He signed it and Bella signed it. Then she gave it to Carlisle, "Sign."

Before the ink touched the paper Jake said, "Hold up! Why does Carlisle have to sign?"

"He is the witness to this War Jake that's why!" Bella said

"But then I might as well go get Sam to have him sign too!" Jake yelled

"What the hell Jake?" Bella shouted.

"Well you're a vamp and he is a vamp in fact I am surrounded by vamps! I might as well go get the pack!" Jake yelled back

"If it is favoritism that you are worried about…no one will play favorites. Carlisle will make sure of that!" Bella said

"How do I know you are telling the truth?" Jake implied

"I do not have to explain the awesomeness that is Carlisle." Bella folded her arms and gave a firm nod.

Jake sighed in defeat.

"Bella thinks I am awesome?" Carlisle asked signing the ridiculous declaration.

"I thought I was the awesome one." Edward gave a sad puppy dog look.

"Oh grow some Edward! I married you for god sakes." Bella snarled.

We all stared at Bella…I guess she was taking this very seriously.

We all gathered in the living room and Jake said, "Ok since Bella's video of me was the last to be played here is my first attack." Jake put the video in.

_Bella was sleeping on Jake's couch. Muttering in her sleep about Edward, kitties, and chocolate._

_The camera switched as Jake's face came on the screen, "Ok so it is my weekend with Bella and the bon fire was so much fun! But now time to have more fun with a sleeping Bella. Hehehe." _

"Way to sound evil Jake." Nessie complimented him with a hug. Bella pulled her away and said, "How dare you franchise with the enemy!"

"But mommy-" Nessie started to actually cry.

"I don't care go sit with your father!" Bella ordered

Nessie did what she was told and sat next to Edward, "So not fair!"

"All is fair in love and war honey." Edward said, but then he growled at Jake.

"_Dude I don't think we should do this." Seth said coming back with a real frog in a cage._

"_Of course we should…besides this will be epic! Now Bella sleep talks so when she says Edward's name…Seth you know what to do?" Jake asked_

"_Yes sir! I pretend to be Edward." Seth said happily_

"_Ok then when she leans in to kiss you what do you do then?" Jake asked_

"_I make her kiss the frog instead." Seth nodded._

"_Good ok now get ready." _

_Bella stirred in her sleep and said, "Edward?"_

"_Yes love?" Seth mimicked his voice perfectly._

"_Oh Edward I love you so much." Bella smiled peacefully. _

_Seth stroked Bella's hair and said, "As do I love. Kiss me?" _

"_Anything for you Edward." Bella said and as she was leaning into Seth he put the frog in between him and Bella and she kissed the frog! _

_Then she started to open her eyes and then seeing the green amphibian she flipped, "JEUS CHRIST! WHAT THE HELL?" She flipped backward over the couch causing the lamp to come down on her and shatter to bits. _

"_Bells are you ok?" Seth asked worried. Bella was dazed and saw the dreaded green frog in his hands._

"_You god damn dog!" Bella lunged over the sofa, "GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU WITH A SILVER BULLET!" _

_Jake's face came back on and he was laughing, "This has been a blooper from Fun Time's in La Push." _

"Wow Bella…did you really think that the frog would turn into a Prince?" Jasper asked while he was laughing

Bella was growling and glared at Jake, "I almost destroyed all of Seth's Transformer collection because of that! But it was you along! You are a sick, twisted, evil little puppy."

Jake bowed and said, "Thank you."

Bella snarled but got out a tape…reading the title she smiled, "Ok then mister hotshot. Wait until you see this little episode."

_Bella's face come into view, "Ok so this is something I would love to call payback of selling me out with the bike to Charlie when I came back from saving Edward in Italy." _

_The camera switched to see Jake in the yard, "Ready Seth?" Bella asked._

"_Yep." Seth signaled_

_Bella strolls casually up to Jake, "Sup Jake."_

"_Hey Bells. Uhm listen I am really sorry about-"_

"_Forget about it. I am done with the extreme stuff for awhile anyway. Actually I have something to tell you." Bella said_

_Jake's curiosity peaked and he tilted his head and asked, "Oh? What is it?" _

"_It's about Leah." Bella said _

"_What's wrong with Leah?" Jake asked _

"_Well I heard from Sam who heard from Paul who heard from Embry who was talking to Quil on Monday who talked with Seth on Sunday that after reading her diary he found some interesting information." _

"_What? She can't transform anymore?" Jake asked_

"_No more like she loves you." Bella said rather convincingly _

_Jake's mouth hung open in disbelief and happy? _

"You actually believed that?" I asked trying not to laugh

"No." Jake said his face turning red

"He's lying." Jasper whispered rather loudly to no one.

Jake growled.

"_Seriously?" Jake exclaimed _

"_Yes and apparently she will know that if you like her if you sing to her outside her window." Bella said with encouragement. _

"_Really? So cool when can I do it!" Jake asked jumping up and down like a five year old._

"_Well me and Seth took the liberty of setting everything you need outside her window." _

"_Well let's go!" _

_Five minutes later then stood outside the said window and Jake started to sing…rather terribly I may add._

"_OH LEAH HOW I LOVE YOU SO! I WANT TO HOLD YOU AND NEVER LET GO!" the guitar playing was terrible and even cats sounded better than him, "PLEASE COME OUT AND WE CAN RUNAWAY AND SEETHE WORLD TOGETHER FOREVER MORE!" _

_After another minute of screeching the door flew open and Jake exclaimed, "LEAH?" _

_But it was not Leah instead it was every boy's worst nightmare…an angry pissed off Dad...with a shot gun, "HOW DARE YOU TRY AND WOO MY DAUGHTER WITH THE NOISE! I WILL KILL YOU!" _

_Jake ran with the Dad shooting at him. _

"_Payback is a bitch!" Bella laughed_

We were all laughing and Edward asked, "So what happened afterward?"

"Well Charlie was called and well he defused the situation. And gave Jake vocal lessons."

"Those scales where tortuous. But that bb gun hurt like hell!" Jake said, "I still got the scars to prove it."

"Well what's next?" I asked and Jake smiled, "I got the perfect comeback tape." 


	9. Hypnosis and Sailor Moon

Ok so I am deeply sorry for not updating. I lost interest and inspiration but now it's back and ready to be used! Just a forewarning:

I have no clue what the hell I was on when I wrote this part. It was a spur of the moment and just plain crazy. Kids who have not had their mind corrupted by society should not read. You have been warned.

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Esme's POV-**

We were all laughing and Edward asked, "So what happened afterward?"

"Well Charlie was called and well he defused the situation. And gave Jake vocal lessons."

"Those scales where tortuous. But that bb gun hurt like hell!" Jake said, "I still got the scars to prove it."

"Well what's next?" Alice asked and Jake smiled, "I got the perfect comeback tape."

I was really curious about the next tape. It was nice to have the family together…though this is a war.

He rummaged through the box and pulled out a tape and read, "Hypnosis."

"Oh I remember this. Yea you failed majorly at that little stunt." Bella scoffed

"Oh really?" Jake smirked and played the tape.

"_I told you guys. There is no way I can be hypnotized." Bella was sitting in a chair with her arms crossed, "I am just too smart for that psychic mumbo jumbo." _

"_Ok Bells we'll see about that." Jake said._

"And it's true. I cannot be hypnotized." Bella said firmly, "this video is a waste of our time and effort in watching."

"You keep saying that Bella." Jake said confidently.

_Jake pulled out a pencil and said, "Keep your eyes on the pencil. You are getting sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. Focus on nothing but my voice. You feel your body going numb. Your body is relaxing." _

_Bella was watching the pencil going back and forth and her eyes were starting to close._

"_Ok when I count backwards from ten you will fall into deep sleep and be under my control," Jake's drowning voice, "Ten-nine-eight-seven-six-five-four-three-two-one."_

_Bella's eyes closed and she was asleep._

"Wow Bella for someone who said that they can't be hypnotized it looks like you are under his spell," Emmett laughed out but Bella did not respond, "Bells?"

We all looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she was very still. Vampires could get hypnotized? Who knew?

"Oh man this is priceless!" Jake choked out. Then he gasped and said, "I have an idea!" Stopping the tape he asked, "Carlisle I won't be penalized for this will I?"

Carlisle thought and said, "I did not see anything."

"YES!" Jake cheered

"No you will not!" Edward complained as he growled at Jake.

"Oh come on stop being a fun sucker." Jake stuck out his tongue. He turned back to Bella. I am going to feel sorry for my poor daughter-in-law later because Emmett got a camera, "Ok Bella if you can hear me say yes master."

"Yes master." Bella said in a dead voice.

"Cool! OK….uhm…" He looked around and thought. Slowly an evil smile appeared on his face, "Ok Bells when you hear the Sailor Moon theme song you will become Sailor Moon, the Champion of Love and Justice. Do you understand?"

Bella sighed, "Yes Master."

Emmett burst out laughing from behind the camera, "I use to love that show! Sailor Moon was the bomb!" He sighed.

"OH MY GOD! MAKE IT STOP! OH DEAR GOD THE IMAGES!" Edward yelled rubbing his head, "WE LIVE IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY AND THEY CANT MAKE BRIAN SANITISER? I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT ROSALIE WOULD LOOK LIKE IN A REALLY SKIMPY SKIRT PRANCING AROUND THE CITY WITH YOU IN A SKIMPY TUXEDO!"

We all gagged and Rosalie smacked Emmett, "Ow! Sorry I did not think that I would get that graphic."

Carlisle coughed and said, "Anyway…"

"Yeah…Edward will be Tuxedo Mask do you understand?" Jake asked trying to be serious but was failing. Am I evil if I am not trying to stop this?

"Yes Master Jake." Bella responded in a dead numb voice.

"Then when you hear the gong," Alice ran upstairs to get the gong and came back. Wait when did we get a gong? Jake grinned, "You will fall back into this deep sleep and be back under my control."

"Yes Master."

Jake smirked and nodded toward Alice. She smirked and played the theme song. Bella snapped her eyes open and stood up and said, "I am Sailor Moon and in the name of the Moon I will punish you!"

Jake laughed and said, "This is funnier the second time around!"

"This is great!" Emmett cheered.

In the mix of the laughter Jake slammed his hand on the table causing the pudding he was eating to land on Nessie's head.

"JAKE!" We yelled as Nessie started to cry and ran upstairs. Then Bella did something that we were not expecting…

Bella throw one of my decoration plates, "Moon Tiara Action!"

"What the-" The plate smashed into his face and he doubled over in pain.

"For making innocent children cry, in the name of the moon I will punish you!" Bella yelled, "Because I am Sailor Moon the champion of love and justice!"

"Why you-" Jake picked up Nessie's abandoned pudding bowl and chucked it at Bella but Edward jumped and pulled Bella out of the way.

Bella sighed over dramatically, "Oh Tuxedo Mask…you saved me."

"Ok please ring the gong this is getting too mushy." Jasper said while twitching.

Alice nodded and Bella fell limp in Edward's arms. Jake came over and said in the same monotone voice, "Ok when you hear the gong again you will awaken and will not remember anything that has happened in the past five minutes. You will think that we watched the tape and I was wrong and you were right. It was a waste of our time and effort. Do you understand?"

"Yes master."

Jake nodded and Alice rang the gong and Bella snapped awake, "See I told you I can't be hypnotized. It was a waste of our time." She said pulling the tape out.

We all had to hold our breath as we thought over the last five minutes. I am evil.

"Ok if you want to see what true entertainment, we have to see this." Bella held the tape and looked over at Jake, who gulped.


	10. Epic Ninja Fail

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Jasper's POV-**

"Ok if you want to see what true entertainment, we have to see this." Bella held the tape and looked over at Jake, who gulped.

He was feeling like it was bad but then he got cocky, "Ok well pray tell why you look so confident."

I looked at Bella who now had an evil/devilish feelings wash all over me. Maybe I should burn Alice's clothes…god knows that she takes up half my side of the closet….

I felt Alice stiffen as she swatted me on the head, "DON'T YOU DARE JASPER WHILOCK HALE!"

I threw up my hands in surrender, "Sorry Ali but Bella went evil touchy feeling on me."

Alice glared and huffed. I am in deep shit.

"Yes. Yes Jasper you are. Apparently you are 'sleeping' on the couch." Edward smirked

"Haha!" Emmett laughed mocking Nelson from the Simpsons.

I growled as Jacob coughed and said, "Ok back to the war. Bella?"

Bella shook her head and read the title, "Ninja fail."

Jake gasped, "You wouldn't dare!"

Bella smirked and went over to the VCR and slowly pushed the tape in.

"No!" Jake tried to jump at Bella but was held back by Nessie…when did she come back downstairs?

"Ness please…" Jake begged

"Sorry but this is payback." Nessie glared at Jake. Oh she was pissed.

"You can say that again. She has Bella's temper and stubbornness. She is not letting him live this down." Edward said.

Bella was completely oblivious to our conversation and pushed the tape in…Jake was already in total embarrassment.

"_What the hell are you doing?" Bella's voice came on as the camera approached a less wolfish looking Jake. He was in a funky weird position and was breathing deeply._

"_What does it look like I am doing? I am practicing being a ninja. I am studying martial arts!" Jake said proudly. _

"_Well what kind of stance is that? Kick my ass please because I am being a stupid moron? Besides everyone knows I am the real ninja. I have a black belt remember?" Bella boasted._

Surprise was the new feeling in the air. Edward looked at Bella, "You are a black belt?"

Bella nodded, "I was getting picked on in middle school so Renee put me in karate."

"Don't you need coordination for that?" Rose asked

"Well ballet requires coordination and I did that." Bella said

"But you sucked at that." Jake said smugly

"At least I do not get my ass kicked." Bella said triumphantly

Jake scowled

"_Oh yea for your information this is called Swan is going to eat mud!" Jake said_

"_Oh please you cannot be serious." Bella said astounded_

"_Oh yea watch me I will be a ninja!" _

"_Jake to be a ninja one must be quiet and stealthy…you are neither." _

"_I will make you eat those words! Just you wait." _

_The camera turns off and a new scene appears. Bella is now at a meadow. _

"HEY THAT'S MY MEADOW! WHAT THE HELL?" Edward yelled pointing at the scene…oops I sent him outrage waves that was rolling off of Jake…

"Excuse me? I believe that is called our meadow first of all. Second of all I was doing a project for my advance ecology class." Bella said stiffly.

"What was the assignment?" I asked

"Do a nature documentary."

"You had an assignment for summer, that's what you were doing there?" Jake asked

"Yes what did you think I was doing? Hiding from the big bad ninja?" Bella mocked

"What grade where you in?" Nessie intercepted them before they started fighting.

"I was going into ninth and Jake was going into seventh…eighth."

"Eighth thank you very much." Jake snorted

"_As you can see the environment in this meadow is very healthy. Look at the leaves…" Bella pointed to one of the flowers. _

_All of a sudden she stiffened. Closing her eyes she inhaled and then…_

"_DIE!" Out of nowhere Jake jumped out and took a swing at Bella, but she blocked by taking his arm with both hands, flipped him causing him to land on his back._

"_Ow! Damn it!" Jake groaned_

_Bella smirked, "Ninja rule number one fourteen: __Never bite off more than you can chew, or you'll choke." _

Once the video ended we all laughed.

"That was a ninja fail!" Emmett was gasping for air.

Jake was growling loudly and stood up. Going over to his box he took out a video and smiled evilly and he asked, "Bells do you remember your rebel days?"

Bella's eyes narrowed and deathly silence filled the room, "The dark days of adrenaline rush because of…"

Jake shook his head, "No the days that Renee forced you to come to Forks because of the influence of Phoenix at one point."

We were all silent as Bella's eyes went from narrow to horror?

"No…you didn't."

Jake's smile grew and he nodded his head, "I believe it was your freshman year of high school. You decided to go against society…"

"Please Jake…do not play it. Please." She was begging.

Jake smirked and walked over to the VCR. Now Bella was mad. Alice and Edward held her back as she tried to tackle him to the ground. Her emotions were out of control, "NO! EJECT THE DAMN THING NOW!"

"Oops my hand slipped." Jake said not feeling an ounce of guilt.

This should be fun.

_**Ok sorry to end it here. I promise that this story is coming to an end soon. I have a ton of school work to do. I have the scene in my head but not sure on how to type it, but I promise I will type it soon!**_


	11. Fighting the Power

Ok I know before that I said this video would take place in Forks but I decided to change it. So the video takes place in Phoenix and well just read.

P.S. I have nothing against freedom fighters or people who fight the power of the man!

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Jake's POV-**

I felt my smile grow as I nodded my head, "I believe it was your freshman year of high school. You decided to go against society…"

"Please Jake…do not play it. Please." She was begging.

I smirked and walked over to the VCR. Now Bella was mad. Alice and Edward held her back as she tried to tackle me to the ground, "NO! EJECT THE DAMN THING NOW!"

"Oops my hand slipped." I said not feeling an ounce of guilt. 

This should be fun.

Bella snarled menacingly at me and said, "You are going to die later."

"Really? I'd like to see you try."

"Ask and you shall receive dog."

I stared at her and saw no trace of her kidding…did I go too far with this?

Edward looked at me and back at Bella. He nodded and I gulped.

**Bella POV-**

I was beyond pissed! This was drawing the line. I remember this day perfectly.

_I was holding a mega-phone chanting the lines that a group of my friends rehearsed, "FIGHT THE POWER OF MAN! WE ARE BORN FREE SPIRITED AND SHOULD NOT BE OPPRESSED!" _

_The crowd cheered and Stacy took the mega-phone from me, "WE HAVE RIGHTS AS HUMANS TO SPEAK OUR MIND AND BRING DOWN THE WALLS OF FALSE LEADERSHIP! THIS MAN IN OUR SCHOOL IS A FRAUDE! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!" _

_More cheers came and soon sirens could be heard in the distance. _

"Where did you get this tape Jacob?" I growled at him throwing him my most dirty look yet.

He flinched and said, "I am not at liberty to disclose that information."

"Tell me now or I swear I'll-" I stopped and put the pieces together, "Stacy!"

I looked at Edward and he nodded and I yelled, "When I get my hands on her I will beat her to the brink of death, change her into a vampire, wait three days while she is in pain, enjoying the fact immensely that she will be burning like hell, and then rip her to shreds burn the body parts that are so mangled that it would be impossible for her to come back together anyway but I will still burn her, and dance around the roaring fire!"

Everyone stopped laughing and looked at me like I was psychotic.

_The cops now had arrived on the scene and our group faced them. _

"_Ok ladies and gentlemen, let's disband this protest now so that way we can get back to our lives." The chief said. _

_I took the floor, "SEE WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO DO? IT IS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR BASIC FREEDOMS! THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH! WE HAVE VOICES THAT NEED TO BE HEARD!" _

_The crowd roared in anger and Stacy now took control, "HELL NO WE WON'T GO! HELL NO WE WON'T GO!" The crowed followed suite and pounded their fists in the air. _

_The cop sighed and said loudly into a mega-phone, "Miss. Swan are you the leader of this rally?" _

"_Yes I am! I have a right to this protest so I will not back down!" _

"_Do you really want to deprive these children of an education?" The cop asked_

"_We are not trying to deprive them, merely trying to make it better. Our voices have not been heard so if this is the way it has to be so: be it! POWER TO THE STUDENTS!" _

_The crowd cheered, "We will not disband until the unjust has been brought to justice!" _

"_Hell no we won't go!"_

"_The Freedom Fighters will stand until the wrongs have been righted and innocent lives are saved! Until this dictator falls we won't go!" Stacy yelled _

_The crowd was in uproar and the cops did not know what to do. _

"Ok so what is this about?" Emmett asked

"I joined this society with Stacy and Nicole known as the Freedom Fighters. The school pretty much had issues so it was like an underground covert operation. Half the school was a member. There was this one major issue that the principal, aka the dictator, had promised to solve but never did and well…that was the result." I explained.

Jaws dropped, "What?"

"Covert operation?" Edward asked, "Really love?"

"If you were doing something for the school why is this tape bad?" Alice asked

I pointed to the TV and we kept watching.

"_Bella your mom!" Nicole explained_

_Sure enough here came my mom and she looked pissed. Swiping the mega-phone from the cop she yelled, "ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! GET YOUR ASS OFF THAT STAGE AND STOP THIS MADNESS NOW!" _

_Taking the mega-phone from Stacy I yelled back, "MAKE ME! I HAVE A RIGHT TO A PROTEST!" _

"_YOU HAD BETTER DISSEMBLE THIS PROTEST NOW OR SO HELP ME YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE YOUR EIGHTEETH BIRTHDAY!" _

"It's a good thing that you did otherwise I would not have met you." Edward hugged me and kissed me.

I pulled back and said, "As much as I enjoyed that kiss…who said anything about me actually dissembling the protest?"

"You mean you disobeyed grandma?" Nessie asked

I nodded and she looked back at me in awe.

"_Ok if you are not going to listen to us then we have no choice…" the cop was now in control of the situation but we had a plan._

"_Get ready for our secret weapon." I turned to the main group behind me. They nodded and readied for my signal. _

"_One last chance Miss. Swan; surrender now or face the consequences." I knew the cop was bluffing. Scare tatic never works. It stopped working at the age of ten. _

"_Over our dead bodies." I growled_

"_Fine then have it your way. Ready men?" The cops pretended to ready their taser guns but I was ahead._

"_RELEASE THE FROGS!" I yelled._

_All of a sudden the windows of the school burst open and it started to down pour green amphibians. The cops started to disberse as to avoid getting 'rained' on. _

_Then the doors burst open the students brought the principal out, who was tied up with duct tape on his mouth. The school flag was brought down and was replaced with the Freedom Fighter flag. _

"_POWER TO THE STUDENTS! DISSCETION IS WRONG! END THE MURDER!"_

The tape ended and everyone was staring at me wide eyed.

"What?" I asked

"All that just for dissection?" Edward asked, "Seriously?"

"Well it was wrong. Besides in Phoenix we did live dissections. I still think it's wrong."

"So why was this tape so bad again that you need to kill Stacy and Jake?" Rose asked

"The outcome was bad. We lost the battle that day. Everyone involved got out of school suspension for two weeks, in school suspension for another three weeks. We had to clean up the school, we got every club suspended, and we had to either make up the assignment or fail the course."

"What about the war?" Jake asked

"Well the parents…including my mom…did not like what we did they kind of admired it in the end; so they managed to work out to help raise funds for a virtual dissection computer program."

"And again…this tape was bad why?" Emmett asked

"Did you not see my behavior?" I yelled now embarrassed

"Why was that so bad?" Jasper asked

"You stood up for what you believe in." Carlisle put in

"And you did not back down." Esme admired

Thank god I can't blush.


	12. Barnyophobia, Truce, and The End?

Sorry about not updating in awhile…I kind of ran out of the funny…but the funny is back! By the way the fears that are mentioned in this chapter are real! So sit back and enjoy!

**Fun Times at La Push**

**Edward POV-**

I always knew Bella was a stubborn, free willed, spirited woman but wow…that tape was insane! That was so epically amazing and awesome that I have grown new respect for my wife. She was looking through her box and must have found the one she was looking for because she was smiling evilly…

"What's that one say mom?" Ness asked

"Jake's Phobia." She replied smiling evilly.

Jake paled, "Whatcha talking about Bella? I do not have a phobia." _Oh god I hope this is not what I think it is…_

"Liar." Jasper and I said.

"Yes you do…in fact why don't we see what it is." Bella walked over and was about to put the tape into the VCR when…

"Hold on Bells I would not play that tape if I were you…otherwise I will play this. My last Ultimate Weapon." He held up another tape.

"What one is that?" Rose asked.

"Mock Halloween party…at La Push…it was movie night…costumes…" Bella looked at the tape and then back at the VCR...

Sucking in her breath she said, "Oh yea? This is my last Ultimate Weapon too! I think that this will be worth it…besides this was taken after that party…Thanksgiving…"

"I am warning you Bella do not do it!" Jake said

"Oops! My hand slipped." She said as the tape went in.

"Damn it!" Jake cursed as the tape began to play.

Who knew my wife could be so evil?

**Nessie POV-**

Ok so I learned a few things from this experience: 1. My mom was crazy 2. Jake and my mom are competitive 3. Jake is crazy 4. I should be careful what I wish for

The tape played but nothing could prepare me for this:

_"COME ON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THE GOAL IS THAT WAY! MY MOM CAN RUN THE BALL FASTER THAN YOU!" Came the yelling of my mom as she was standing up and giving the TV obscene gestures. _

_"You know yelling won't help," Jake said to her as the Jets tackled the Giant quarterback, "That's the way to go! Keep it up!" Jake shouted then, "WHAT THE HELL IS THERE A FLAG FOR?"_

_"HAHA YOUR GUY WENT OUT OF BONDS!" Mom yelled as Jake started to pout._

"Do you guys want to explain this? Bella I did not know you were into sports." Emmett said, "Are you living a secret life we do not know about?"

"You see…It was the Turkey Day game and I was on vacation from school. I decided to spend it with Charlie for once and well…we were invited to Jake's house." Mom explained.

"Yea and well…our Dad's went out to get Chinesse food because we…had an issue with the turkey and their teams weren't going to be on TV until later so we were watching it so we got caught up in the moment." Jake explained, "I guess also Red Bull and Candy before the dessert was not a good combo."

"Also I never said I did not care for sports…I just do not like playing in them…" Mom finished.

We nodded and went back to watching:

_"GOD DAMN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU GOING TO SCREW THIS GAME UP TOO?" The Giant dude got tackled by a Jet player. The score was 24 Jets 21 Giants and it was the fourth quarter with two minutes._

_"Get ready to pay up Bella because it's o-v-e-r!" Jake said, "Come on you guys hold them back!" He yelled pounding the air with his foam finger._

"_HEY THAT WAS MY FOAM FINGER!" Bella yelled tackling Jake._

"_GIVE IT BACK THAT'S MINE!" Jake hollered _

"_MINE!"_

"_MINE!"_

_The crowed on the TV cheered and their heads whipped toward it, just as the Jets were about to kick off for the field goal the TV magically turned off and the lights went out._

_" WTF?" They shouted like they lost one of their loved ones._

_Then there was a magical spotlight on two figures standing in front of the TV._

"_WHY THE HELL WERE YOU TWPO FIGHTING OVER THE STUPID FOAM FINGER? BESIDES COULD YOU ONCE JUST BE WITH THE FAMILY?" Rachel, Jake's older sister yelled._

"_Great…the one time I watch a sport I get yelled at…what the hell?" Mom was mad._

"_But Rachel the game…" Jake whined _

"_Don't fight with her Jake…" Seth came out of the kitchen _

"Wait I am confused…why? Just why?" Alice asked

"Seth was giving Rachel lessons on how to make dessert. I asked if he needed help and said no. So the one time I watch a game I get in trouble." Mom explained

"Ok so why is she upset?" Esme asked

Mom and Jake looked ashamed and Mom answered, "Remember that issue with the turkey?"

"Yes…" Carlisle answered

"Well we kind of uhm…well…Bells?" Jake offered

"You see we kind of accidently over-cooked it because we got into a fight." Bella said

"How bad was it?" Rose asked

"Ever see 'National Lampoon's Christmas'? The part with the turkey?" Jake asked

We all got it…wow they are bad together in the kitchen.

_"Please what is the basic issue?" Mom wanted to know._

_"I am fed up with the crap! The one day I come home to visit you guys go off to watch some stupid game after destroying the stupid turkey! In fact this day is about being with the family!" Causing Mom and Jake to flinch._

_"But-but-the game and two minutes…" Jake said like a child who got their favorite candy taken away._

_Rachel gave him a death glare as Mom said, "Uh…wrong move there bud."_

_"THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Rachel hollered that her voice echoed through the house._

_"We would've joined you in the kitchen. But you did not want us there." Mom said quickly._

_"I wonder why." Rachel responded._

_"So-so what are you going to do with us?" Jake asked nervously _

_Rachel smiled wickedly, "You have forgotten sharing and caring. Right Seth?"_

_"Yea they did." Seth responded_

_"Then how about we teach them something useful compliments from our big purple friendly dinosaur Barney!" Rachel said joyously turning the TV back on and flipped the channel to PBSkids._

"_Oh please…I think he is a psychopathic liar." Mom mumbled but got a glare from Rachel._

_"NO PLEASE NOT THAT PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!"Jake begged, "I have Barneyophobia!"_

_Mom now looked at him weirdly followed by Rachel and Seth, "What?" he asked not daring to look at the TV._

_"Barneyophobia?" They asked_

_"Yes I use to like Barney he was my idol, remember Rachel? Then I found a YouTube video of him being a carnivorous beast. He was eating all the children and…and…and I had nightmares." Jake started to shake as if an earthquake hit the castle._

That is what he was doing right now. Jake clung on too me not even watching the TV whimpering. Mom was laughing and clinging to Daddy, "I never get tired of this!"

"Dude really? Barnyophobia?" Jasper asked also clinging to Alice like Jake was doing for me.

Jake whimpered like a wounded puppy.

_Jake held on to Seth for dear life._

_"Mommy please save me from the dreaded Barney!" Jake cried, "I'm a good little boy I swear it! I am sorry I took a cookie when you told me not to! I will share! I will always help other people!"_

_"Ok I think we broke Jake how's Bella doing?" Seth asked as Jake started to suck his thumb and holding on a part of his shirt as a blanket._

_Rachel looked at Bella who was laughing, "Haha they're dancing the Looby Loo! I forgot how cute this show was! I always thought those kids were lucky to dance with Barney!"_

_Rachel shook her head and turned the TV off and sighed._

_"NO RACHEL THEY WERE CLEANING UP THE CLASSROOM! YOU CAN'T TURN IT OFF NOW!" Mom whined, "TURN IT BACK ON!"_

_"Bells calm down." Rachel said easily_

_"No no turn it on! I want to say goodbye to Barney!" Mom said in a whiny five year old voice._

_Rachel's jaw dropped and quickly turned it back on while Jake hid his face in Seth's shirt while Mom sang along to the 'I love you' song._

_"Yeah!" Mom cheered then she received looks, she coughed awkwardly and scratched the back of her head._

We were now looking at the pair that was supposed enemies.

"What?" they asked

"I thought you said that Barney was a psychopathic liar." Emmett said

"I was on Red Bull and sugar." Mom said

"Right…so what was the fight about?" Edward asked

"We both wanted the drumsticks." Jake answered

"Rachel told us to turn off the turkey when it was down while she talked to her boyfriend…and we kind of turned the timer off too late and it over cooked." Mom explained

"But the turkey comes with two…it could have been one for the each of you." Rose explained

Mom and Jake looked at each other and said, "Sharing is for losers."

"So who won the game?" Emmett asked breaking the awkward silence that followed the comment.

Mom and Jake pointed back at the TV:

_"The game!" Mom shouted and ran into the Living room for the final moments of the game and cheered. "BOO-YAH! IN YOUR FACE!" Mom laughed and victory dance._

_"NO WAY MAN IT CAN'T BE!" Jake cried out in pain as ran into the living room knocking over a vase as the field flooded with people._

_"PAY UP!"Mom laughed at him._

_"UGH! YOU KNOW OUT OF ALL PEOPLE I SHOULDN'T DO THAT!" Jake sighed as he held out a black leather wallet._

_"HA NEXT TIME PICK A TEAM THAT DOESN'T SUCK!" Mom laughed. _

Ok next thing I learned: Never get Mom in a competitive mood.

"I agree Ness…I agree." Daddy said.

"Ok I was thinking…I remembered that the tape that I have is part of a series so want to call a truce since this one embarrassed the both of us? Besides I have been here for like three days straight…" Jake said.

"Sure I'd like that." Mom said

They stood up and tore the Declaration of War up and shook hands. We cheered and then Mom said, "Hey I actually have tickets if you want to go."

"Really? Like seriously?"

"Yup."

"No way. I thought they banned it from the last time."

"They did but they reopened it and it's playing."

"Do they know what it is?" Jake asked pointing to us.

"I don't know. You can go home and chill and I can get the stuff together."

"What time does it play?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Are you still going as her?"

"Hell yea! Are you still going as him?"

"Oh yes."

"So see you later."

"Yup!" Jake quickly hugged me and took off.

We just stared at Mom and asked, "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?"

"Time to experience the parties in real life." She said and walked off.

"Do you know what's going to happen?" Daddy asked Alice

"No and I am thankful for once that I don't know." She responded

What are we getting dragged into?

_**Author Note:**_

Ok I just wanted to say that this is the last chapter for this story. I was going to do one more but decided that a mini-story would be better…so tune into the sequel! You will all love it!


	13. Letter from Urs Truely

To My Awesome Readers and Reviewers,

This is just for funzzies! Yes I already started the sequel and will post an update when I have it done. But I thought that playing a guessing game will be fun. To anyone who can guess what Jake and Bella were talking about toward the end of the pervious chapter will get a sneak peak at the new story.

To help you all here are a few hints:

Halloween

Costumes

Silly String

If you guess right then I will give the winners a preview. I will give you all until next week. But in the meantime if you have any ideas what you want in the story then include that in your review or PM me.

Thanks for the support,

Lee (aka Snoopykid)


	14. ANNOUCMENT REGARDING SEQUEL!

To My Awesome Readers and Reviewers,

Ok so this is it! Sadly no one got it, but the sequel has been posted so look for Fun Times at Rocky Horror!

Once again thank you for reading and I will see you at Fun Times at Rocky Horror!

Sincerely,

Lee (aka Snoopykid)


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